Monday, February 27, 2012

Expecting Happiness

If you know me, you know that I change my mind a lot.  Here is my new, and hopefully improved, pitch for my book.  I would love to hear whether you like this one or the old one better, (see Better? post for the old version).  So far, the feedback I've received is that the first one was better...  I really can't decide!  I've changed the working title from Six Weeks to Expecting Happiness, I also welcome thoughts there, (kind of a play on the pregnancy/family theme).

Expecting Happiness

Desire for Escape.
Desire for Adventure.
Desire for Something More...

Kristen and Jake are much like many couples in their late twenties. They were told that they could be anything they wanted when they grew up. The problem is, beside each other, they cannot figure out what they want. Somehow, they have found themselves stuck in windowless cubes, trudging to meaningless jobs, grasping for purpose. Most nights, they forget to even look at each other. However, after the loss of a pregnancy forces them to reevaluate their priorities, they decide to reclaim their childhood dreams of adventure by embarking on separate journeys. While Jake sets off across country by car, Kristen secretly chases an old flame to Europe. Both searching for something different, they find themselves on surprisingly parallel adventures that may or may not lead them back together.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Dark inspiration.

Before I started writing my book, a picture of a little family enjoying a picnic inspired me.  They were in a grassy field, with the slanting sunlight of late afternoon streaking the shot, shadows creeping in around the edges.  The young mother, father, and baby sat on a little blanket, seemingly happy, but also somehow deeply dissatisfied.

Pictures and music inspire me, make me want to write.

Today, I discovered a photographer whose haunting images are filling my head with new ideas.

Thanks, Mike Shaw.

Courtesy of Mike Shaw Photography

Courtesy of Mike Shaw Photography

Courtesy of Mike Shaw Photography



Saturday, February 25, 2012

Wolves & Unicorns Unite

This afternoon, my mother-in-law brought over an early birthday present for Alex-- the infamous Mountain Three Wolf Moon t-shirt.

Photo courtesy of amazon.com
Now, I have to tell you, Alex has been threatening me with this t-shirt for months, maybe even years, I've lost track.  Every time we stop at a gas station, he cruelly taunts me that he is going to go inside and find one.  It is so infamous, that I did not even need to see one to know what he was talking about.  Images of flea markets and truck stops flooded into my mind.  Just thinking about it, made me feel mortified.

Well, apparently, the hipsters found one first.  Typical.  The three wolf t-shirt is now a legend.  Alex said he is pretty sure that if we move to Portland, wearing the t-shirt will instantly get us friends.  They won't even care if we are from California.  The three-wolf t-shirt trumps all!

To convince me of this point, this afternoon he introduced me to the lore of the t-shirt.  Now, I get it.  It's not just a white trash, hippie, or even hipster fashion statement, it's a super power, (and, don't get me wrong, I love hippies and tolerate hipsters).  According to reviews on Amazon, the t-shirt is so powerful that it will get you women at trailer parks and Walmart!  I'm really not sure what my husband is trying to say here... Although, according to the music video review, it's powers also extend to super models!  That's slightly more comforting.




Thanks Alex and cool music video.  NOW, I get it.  And, I also discovered my own secret weapon in all of this research, the Mountain Unicorn Castle Purple T-Shirt!  If before I thought it embarrassing to be in public with the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt, (and, of course, that was before I knew about its powers...), now I'm thinking that the perfect antidote is its unicorn brethren.  Then, Alex and I would truly be the perfect power couple!  Watch out Portland, two new hipsters were born today!

Photo courtesy of amazon.com

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Mother Russia & Foreign Markets

According to Google Analytics, I have a steady stream of traffic from Russia on this blog.  I wonder who my mysterious Russian viewers are?  Are they real people or some sort of electronic webpage crawlers based out of Russia?  I'm very intrigued.  Clearly, the nerdy international relations major in me is still alive and well.

Alex and I actually went to a Russian market with friends this weekend.  Well, a Russian and Korean market.  Quite the combination!  If you've never been to a foreign market before, go!  They're a nerdy international relations major's dream!

Whether they're here or abroad, I love visiting foreign markets.  They're always stocked with really unusual items that I find fascinating.  Among the most interesting finds this time were vodka hidden in a babushka doll and hula hoops with "massaging" spikes, (they weren't really spikes, just felt that way when I tried it out, to Alex's amusement, in the middle of the store!).  Not to mention all of the scary variations of meat, (head cheese or whole eels anyone?).  I always find these stores reminiscent of watching an episode of Bizarre Foods or Anthony Bourdain... An instant and cheap adventure!





I actually have a not-so-secret obsession with foreign markets, as well as babushka dolls, so this outing was an unexpected thrill!  (And, way more accessible than actually going to Russia or Korea!)


***

ADHD side note of the night...  This Portlandia clip hits a little too close to home.  What shall I try next oh-great creative occupational wizard?  (Documentary maker, tried that, wedding videographer, tried that too, writer, sure!  Who knows, maybe making my own jewelry is next!)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Blog Advice... Blogvice?

I'm reading a pretty cool book, The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published.  When I first heard the title from another aspiring author, I thought that it sounded useful, but bland, the last stop on my journey to finishing my book.  Instead, I've discovered it to be much more entertaining than I expected.  And, in exchange for purchasing the book, I now have a twenty minute "consultation" with its authors, the Book Doctors.

You would think that I would be all over this opportunity, but instead I had to talk myself into actually submitting the request.  The voice in my head kept saying, "It's too early," "You're not ready to talk to anyone about your book," "Is your book even good?" Even in a situation that has very little potential of yielding anything, I find myself afraid of failure, which is why I sucked it up, and made the appointment.  Kind of the story of my life.  Anxiety.  Suck it up and do it anyway.

One of my takeaways so far from their book is that I need to develop some sort of web presence for myself, somewhere to hang my writing hat, so to speak.  So far, my blog has just been a place where I muse about anything and everything, (happiness, travel, writing, teaching...), but they recommend limiting blog subjects to attract and maintain an audience.  I can see what they're saying, but I also have a hard time devoting myself to just one theme... I love having a space that I can write about anything, audience or not.  And, no, a journal would not serve the same purpose!

What do you think?  You read my blog.  Would you rather I picked one theme and stuck with it?  I know that it's a bit of a biased sampling since you're undoubtedly reading this because you actually know me, but I am still curious of your thoughts.  Better if I only wrote about writing, traveling, teaching, or happiness?  Or, keep this blog and start another one that only has one focus for the goal of establishing myself as a writer?

***

On a random side note, and further underlining my inability to focus on just one idea, check out this movie trailer.  I found it extremely thought-provoking about the still-present need for feminism in our society.  Watch for the Fox News guy that says that women should not be president because of PMS.  He should be forced to live on an island without any women!:


Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Advocacy, Humility & Gratitude

It is not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life... 
- Abigail Adams

I read this quote on a friend's Facebook page recently, and it touched me deeply.  It made me think about how greatness does not come out of avoiding difficulty, even though it can be very tempting to do so.  

When I first realized that I wanted to be a teacher, I found myself inventing reasons not to follow my heart.  Mostly, I was afraid of failure.  I was afraid that it would be too hard and that I would not live up to my own expectations.  It was far more comfortable to avoid failure altogether than to face it head on.  Then, somehow, I found myself doing it anyway, and I was right-- it was really hard and there were many days that I failed. But, in allowing myself to fail, I also gave myself space to grow.

In becoming a teacher, I have also become an advocate for children. Some of these children come to school hungry, cold, and in need of a lot of love.  Many of these children lack the life experiences that I treasured growing up.  Accordingly, in a strange way, they have become my children, who I love, guide, and struggle with everyday.  In taking on this role, I have accepted the humility that comes with asking others to help them, and this in turn has opened my eyes to the great generosity of people all around me, creating a humbling gratitude inside of me.

A few months ago, I shared how painful it was to watch students come to school without jackets.  It made me remember the times as a child when I forgot my jacket and felt cold.  The idea that these kids weren't forgetting jackets, but instead did not have them, broke my heart.  Nonetheless, I was amazed by how many people reached out to me after I shared this experience.  My dad even marched into my classroom the very next morning with a jacket for a student that I told him about!

A dear old friend from college, who has always had an amazingly full heart, also reached out to me.  Without being asked, she organized a fundraiser among the employees in her office, and raised enough money to buy nearly two dozen jackets for the students that were still coming to school cold.  These jackets were delivered to my house this weekend and I could not believe how beautiful they were.  The fact that strangers in another city were willing to reach into their own pockets to help the students at my school was deeply humbling.  My gratitude is immense.

The willingness of people to help without even being asked has inspired me.  It has shown me that when presented with a need, many people want to help.  This is turn has inspired me to begin asking people for help, an act that does not come easily for me.  Recently, another teacher and I set up an online fundraising site to ask friends and family to help us take our students to the Exploratorium in San Francisco.  To our amazement, we have already raised more than $600!   

Between the jackets and the field trip money, this week has inspired me to keep moving forward, even when things feel difficult.  I am deeply touched by all of the people that care enough about our students to keep them warm and give them new life experiences.  Thank you to everyone that is teaching me humility, giving me reasons for great gratitude, and helping to change the lives of students at my school!

Gigantic bags of beautiful jackets for students at my school!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Old Navy donators!


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Life ADHD

I have a serious case of life ADHD right now.

I go to work, get sucked in to all kinds of wacky side projects that have nothing to do with getting me out the door at the end of the day, (Randomly inviting published author to speak in my classroom, sure, why not? Less posters on my walls, great idea Mr. Firemen, let me get started right now!).  I get home, think about taking the dog on a walk, end up preparing for tomorrow's smoothie recipe lesson in the kitchen, decide that I should read my new book on how to get published, but then end up on the laptop writing a blog entry while lamenting the fact that I'm neither cleaning my house nor getting any exercise, (while also simultaneously fielding phone calls and responding to emails...).  Then it occurs to me that I still need to book a room in Carmel over spring break and I have the urge to abandon the blog entirely and waste two hours rereading trip advisor reviews and trying to remember which of the hotels are dog friendly.

Truthfully, I do not expect anyone to have survived that paragraph.  I'm not even sure that I want to reread it!  The point is, I run around all day, torn between a thousand things that I actually WANT to do, never able to get through it all. I know I'm not alone.  We all feel this way on some level or another.  What I do not understand is how people have children and still manage to conquer anything on the list.  And, no, I'm not contemplating having them right this minute, don't get too excited (or annoyed, depending on who you are!), but it is something that crosses my mind when I imagine what I would give up.  I guess that the love mechanism just takes over to the point that you do not mind giving something up?  (Or, I hope it does!)

Anyway, this post has little real substance, just felt like lamenting the fact that I do not have more time by wasting time writing this.  Irony in action.  I have to remind myself:  It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop.  In other words, it can all get done, just not as fast as we would like it to...


Source: google.com.au via Kay on Pinterest


Back to my ADHD, thinking about staying in Doris Day's famously dog-friendly hotel in Carmel, but can't get them to answer an email, (heaven-forbid I pick up a phone and call them!).


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day Confession

It's official, I'm out of the closet, I love Valentine's Day!

I used to force myself not to like it.  I reasoned that it made people that I love feel lonely, so I wanted to support them by not liking it.  I also scoffed at how arbitrary the date was-- complaining how it was a capitalistic excuse for more materialism.  Last year, I went so far as to tell Alex that I did not want presents and that I did not care if he had the closing shift at work, (I thought that I was being generous to his coworkers that actually wanted the time to celebrate!).

Today, however, I realized that I do like Valentine's Day, even if there are aspects of it that still annoy me, (like all of the horny men wandering around looking for flowers at the grocery store!).  Despite the annoyances, it no longer bothers me that it is a day that we made up.  So what-- aren't all holidays days that we made up on some level or another?  Maybe this one is more recent, but I do not see anything wrong with a day based on love.  After all, isn't love critical to our happiness as human beings?

I'm not saying romantic love... Although, that kind of love is nice too.  I'm just saying love.  As an adult, I'm finding that Valentine's Day is a day that I tell my friends, students, and family that I love them.  I don't tell them with expensive gifts, but with little gestures: a cut out heart with kind words, a card, a text, a phone call.  In fact, it turns out that Valentine's Day results in the greatest outpouring of token gifts and sweet little cards from my students of any holiday.  I have a veritable mountain of candy and cards that make me feel appreciated!  What's so wrong with expressing our love this way?

In truth, I witnessed many little acts of love that made me happy to be alive today:  A coworker's husband marching across campus with a gigantic bouquet of roses, (to the sheer excitement of the 120 students watching at recess!).  A student excited to deliver her one special hand-crafted valentine to a boy that she likes, (reminded me of the valentine that Alex made me in fourth grade!).  My students treasuring the little valentines that I made them.  My dad unexpectedly delivering a valentine to my school, complete with a generous donation for our upcoming field trip.  Incredibly kind words of support emailed from my mom.  A woman taking the time to pull into the grocery store parking lot just to cuss me out for changing lanes at the same time as she did, (okay, that happened, and it made me laugh, but maybe it doesn't belong on this list!).

Even though I'm looking forward to seeing my husband tonight, it has been the acts of love from other people that have brightened my day so far.  I'm sure he'll make me smile too, when he gets home from work, but I'm realizing that Valentine's Day is far more than a romantic holiday based on excessive consumerism.  It's a chance to tell people that they matter to you.  If you're feeling sad or lonely tonight, you're entitled to dislike this holiday, I don't blame you, but also consider reaching out to the people that you love.  It will make them smile, and chances are, it will make you smile too!

The valentines that I made for my students.  It is amazing how a few kind words so clearly brighten their day!

Simon going nuts on one of my gifts from a student... oops!


You'll be happy to know that the bear survived!  Happy Valentine's Day!

Monday, February 13, 2012

We're really going to San Francisco?!

Today one of my toughest students had a revelation during the middle of his parent teacher conference.  We have been planning a field trip to the Exploratorium in San Francisco for a few weeks, but the news finally hit him.  "We're really going to San Francisco?" he asked me over and over.  He was incredulous.  It was as though I told him that we were going to get on a bus and go to Disneyland.  "Are we going to come back?" he asked, after a couple of minutes of contemplation, hoping perhaps that we were either going to stay there forever or more plausibly rent a hotel room.

Listening to this student reminded me of how fortunate I was growing up.  Even when times were tough for my family, we still went to San Francisco.  It's actually one of my family's favorite stories, how even during the hard years, we still made our annual Christmas pilgrimage to "shop" in the city.  Of course, there was not a lot of shopping those years.  My dad would take us every year at Christmas, while my mom would take us in the summer for the joys of tourist destinations like Angel Island, Alcatraz, and Golden Gate Park.  The idea that other children did not get to go to San Francisco was foreign to me-- how could you not go somewhere so cool that was only a couple of hours away?

At another parent conference this afternoon, a mom that is struggling to make ends meet because of her severe illness shared how her son and daughter have been visiting homeless people along the American River as part of a project at their church.  It is also her son's fifth grade service project.  The kids have been praying with the homeless and collecting useful items to give to them every Friday evening.  The mother shared with me how this experience has changed her family.  She said that no matter how tough things have been for them with her illness, they still cannot help but feel immense gratitude meeting the people that live on the river in Sacramento-- at least she and her family do not live outside, she added with extreme sincerity.  I felt so humbled by how genuine she was with her words.

No matter how hard my job is, it never fails to humble me.  I feel so inspired by the people that I meet.  Many of them are full of so much hope and giving despite the extreme challenges that they face.  The family of the student that was in awe of getting to go to San Francisco offered to help pay for another student to get to go too.  They do not have a lot of money, but when they heard that we needed help finding $3,000 to get everyone there, they wanted to do what they could to give more students the experience that their child is so excited about.  This was especially touching after hearing the mom who is struggling financially and physically but so generous with her heart.  She has two students in fourth and fifth grade, which will likely mean $30 total, an amount that would create a financial burden for them.  I'm so touched that in this world that feels so cold and unfriendly at times, that people still care about each other.

I was talking to my husband about all of this tonight and he shared with me his first memory of San Francisco.  Like my students, he first visited San Francisco as a fifth grader taking a field trip to the Exploratorium.  He said that he never forgot what it was like looking at the city while crossing the Bay Bridge for the first time.

I'm excited that my students will soon have this moment too.


Saturday, February 11, 2012

Better?

As I wrote my book, I was pleased that the words poured out so easily.  Now, I feel frustrated that I cannot sum my book up into 200 words that I like!  It kind of reminds me of writing a personal statement for college.  I found that painstakingly difficult too.

Here is my most-current 200 word pitch.  As before, suggestions appreciated!

It began as just a drop.  One smooth drop of red blood running down her pale thigh.  She felt the moisture with her fingers and looked down to see the bright crimson stain emerging on the back edge of her linen skirt.  She felt an immediate wave of horror followed by, to her shock, relief.  

Losing the baby was symbolic of something greater, of letting go of a flailing dream of happiness, a jolt back to reality that something needed to change.  Instead of allowing their discontent to fester, Kristen and Jake decide to say “Fuck it all” to their meaningless jobs and sell their house to embark on individual journeys
of self-discovery.  Both aware of the ambiguity of this mission, as well as the risks to their marriage, the late twenty-somethings find themselves experiencing parallel adventures.  While Jake heads off on a road trip across the country, Kristen departs for Europe, secretly intent on visiting an old flame.  Certain that there must be something better, they forsake the predictable for the unknown, escaping on journeys that may or may not bring them back together.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

200 Words to Sell Myself!

Oh how I love Nanowrimo... It really has changed my life, pushing me to write copiously and quickly. Today it pushed me into action with its newest challenge: pitch your book in 200 words or less. February is Pitchapolooza month and the winner gets hooked up with an intro to an agent. Now, I realize that my chances of "winning" are slim, but pitching needs to happen regardless, so this afternoon I set to work putting my book into 200 words.
I found this pretty tricky. I don't know how much to reveal and how much to keep as vague hints about the contents of my book. The pitch that I ended up with below errs more on the vague side and I am curious of opinions. Better to give more actual details? Did I put you to sleep with not enough action and too many esoteric thoughts? Online advice was pretty slim and ranged across the board in suggestions, so I turn to you instead, my sweet little online audience. I welcome any thoughts, emailed, texted, commented, whatever. I'm not fishing for compliments, so real thoughts expressed kindly, please! Writing a pitch feels harder than writing a book! Help!

CAUTION: Before you read the revelation of my book soul, please know that the characters and experiences therein are fictional!

Attempt Numero Uno at a Pitch (And, a transforming work in progress!):
Six Weeks

At first it began as just a drop. One smooth drop of red blood running down her pale thigh. She felt the moisture with her fingers and looked down to see the bright crimson stain emerging on the back edge of her linen skirt. She felt an immediate wave of horror followed by, to her shock, relief.  

Losing the baby was symbolic of something greater, of letting go of a flailing dream of happiness, a jolt back to reality that something needed to change. Instead of allowing their discontent to fester, Kristen and Jake decide to say “Fuck it all” to their meaningless jobs and sell their house to embark on individual journeys of self-discovery. Both aware of the ambiguity of this mission, as well as the risks to their marriage, the late twenty-somethings find themselves in Europe, experiencing parallel adventures that may or may not bring them back together. Intent that there must be something better, they forsake the predictable for the unknown, trusting in themselves to manifest their own destinies on the other side of the world.
***

For some reason, that still feels off to me. Like maybe I need to give more actual pieces of what happens in the book? Or, better yet, maybe I should re-read it when I have not just spent ten hours at school!
Welcome to my brain.