Gratitude

Working for a school is a humbling experience in itself, but the last two days have been the most humbling so far.  I arrived to my classroom yesterday to find desks and chairs, that's it.  School starts Tuesday.  The desks weren't even the right ones and the chairs were zip tied together in bunches, so the room felt truly empty.  I know a lot of new teachers begin with the same or worse, so this is not a complaint, I just did not expect it to feel so overwhelming to discover that there were not even shelves in my room!

My classroom in the first couple of hours yesterday.  Putting the UW chair in the corner made me feel a little better! 

I think part of my reaction was due to expectations.  I expected most of the furniture I needed to be in the room and started to feel lost knowing where to put everything I purchased and collected over the summer without it.  However, this is the part that is really amazing!  With the help of my lead teacher, other teachers at my school, the principal, and the building manager, there was enough unwanted furniture collected from other parts of the school to make my room functional within hours and the rest was quickly ordered to reach me in the next few weeks.  Moreover, my husband and sister spent the entire day with me, helping to make do with what we had.  So, by the end of the day, my room was far from complete, but so much better thanks to the help of nearly a dozen people!

I am truly humbled by all of the help that I have received to make my classroom ready.  My mom has been collecting books for my classroom library and other odds and ends for over a year.  My dad bought me the coolest maps to hang on my walls.  An old friend from college donated a wonderful used stereo.  Another friend gave up the husky stuffed animal that her husband worked so hard to win at the fair for their kids.  Other friends have promised postcards for my students, including one who has already sent a postcard from Chicago.  Yet another friend is going to spend part of her Sunday in my classroom, helping to put together a bookshelf and get posters up on the wall.  My husband spent both yesterday and today running around campus helping to whip my room into shape, giving up both of his days off.  My sister spent nine hours on Friday in my room and is recruiting friends to come help with her again all-day Monday.  My lead teacher spent half of her classroom prep day helping me to get what I need for my room.  My entire team of fourth/fifth grade teachers has contributed time and classroom items to help me be prepared for Tuesday.  My coach came in and patiently listened while helping to move desks and tape off the spot where our class carpet will be.  Another new teacher, and friend from my program, lent me bins for my students to use since their desks will have no cubbies for the time being. Many others on my school team popped in to help me with materials or kind words of encouragement or simply to offer help...

I know that the list of helping hands in the coming days and years will only grow longer.  This is why I feel so humbled this afternoon.  Even though my to-do list still feels endless and probably always will, I feel like I can take it on because others have so selflessly helped me.  Working at a school is the most humbling experience I've ever had.  I feel part of a true community and am really touched to have so many wonderful people in my life willing to help.  Thank you all!

My first morning message for my students, including our first postcard.

The beginnings of the Husky fan club, hope you'll join too!

One day at a time...

It seems that I'm back to my "one day at a time" approach to stress management.  I just returned from an awesome retreat with my coworkers in Tahoe and am feeling excited but also a little overwhelmed.  In the beginning of the week I felt the old twinges of anxiety striking when I started thinking about the mountain of work that is in front of me.  That's when I realized two things. First, it's kind of my specialty in life to worry about something obsessively and then work hard to do it anyway.  Second, one day at a time helps so much!  Instead of worrying about everything I need to do for the whole school year, (or even next week), all I can do right now is work hard on what needs to get done today and plan for what needs to still happen, (without worrying so much about it).  This is how I survived my program last year and I can already feel it taking the stress off a bit.  So here's to what I hope will be a very rewarding climb up the mountain, one day at a time!

The Back-to-School Jitters

I actually think that I might be more excited than nervous, but I'm definitely feeling like maybe there is something that I'm forgetting!  Last year was a such a gift because it was like teaching with training wheels; I got to share an already set-up classroom for an entire year.  Now, I'm sitting here wondering what I should be doing to prepare for the upcoming craziness that I'm sure is around the corner.  I've already collected piles and piles of items for my classroom, made posters, read books...  Below is a picture of just one corner of Alex and my poor office at home.  It's piled full of stuff that will go into my classroom this week.  I don't think that most people realize how much goes into setting up a classroom, I certainly didn't, and probably still won't until next week!  Let the fun begin!

About 1/2 of all of the stuff headed to my classroom!

My favorite addition to my classroom so far!  Every class is named after a college, mine is UW, so this will be my author's chair for students to come up and sit in when they read their writing to the class!

48 Hours of Juice

It all started a few weeks ago when my husband and I were perusing Netflix for a film to stream.  I'm usually the one that picks the more hippie-ish films, so it surprised me when my husband put on Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, a film chronicling a 60-day juice fast done by two unlikely men.  Growing up with a pretty hippie mom, (that's a good thing mom if you're reading!), I was pretty immune to "radical" diet ideas and had already spent periods of my childhood as a vegetarian, a green smoothie aficionado, and an algae eater, (among other things...).  So, the idea of a juice fast was not new to me, but it was more something that my mom would periodically do and that I would brush off as not for me.  However, watching these two men that were definitely not hippies change their lives and heal their bodies of obesity and disease convinced me, and to my surprise, Alex, to commit to trying a juice fast.

Honestly, it was actually my husband's resolve to trying the juice fast that got us to commit.  Without me even saying anything he broached the idea and before we knew it we were spending a week prepping for the fast.  For the week before, it is recommended that you wean yourself off of sugar, caffeine, alcohol, white flour, dairy, and meat, which for most of us means that there really are not a lot of food choices left!  That's what I always thought, at least, but in reality we came up with some pretty creative and surprisingly tasty versions of the meals that we already eat, (think burrito bowls with black beans, uncooked bell peppers, heirloom tomatoes, brown rice, and salsa... all organic, of course, and shockingly satisfying).  I'm really glad that we spent this week getting ready, because both of our bodies did a lot of cleansing before we even started juicing.

Our fridge has never been so full of fruits and veggies!

I won't pretend like giving up food for a period of time did not make me nervous.  It made me really nervous.  However, I started to change the way that I thought of food, as fresh-made juice contains so many nutrients and really is a super food.  I also talked to everyone I came in contact with about our plans and found that a lot of people that I knew have already successfully completed juice fasts and have great things to say about them.  Likewise, I discovered that my uncle used to guide people through these fasts and had a ton of great tips, so I let go of my fear of starving and resolved to stop if I started to lose too much weight.  Weight loss is a major goal for many people with these fasts, but I have a hard time keeping weight on, so I wanted to be cautious.

We started our juice fast on Wednesday evening and to my surprise it really was not as challenging as I expected.  Yes, I got hungry, but when I would, I'd drink a little juice, and the feeling of hunger would subside enough that I could handle it.  In fact, I generally felt satiated and found it easiest when I was out doing things that distracted me from thinking about how I had not actually eaten any solid food.  To my greatest surprise, I was also able to sleep pretty deeply and was only disturbed by our nightly 3AM dog-squirrel chase, (side effect of having a dog door and a cat that insists that we sleep with our bedroom door open).  It took a bit to fall back asleep both nights after this happened, and I was a bit dizzy as I corralled the dog back inside, but, once you accept that you're going to feel a little bit hungry, it is not as bad as I thought it would be.

The most amusing side effect occurred Thursday evening at around 9PM when I walked into our kitchen and decided that it was full of too much crazy clutter and spent the ensuing two hours reorganizing everything.  I told my husband that I felt like a rat on crack, because, well, I did!  I was a bundle of energy focused on organization, so strange.

I like the irony of both of these cups of juice:  The Commie Juice and the Buddha Belly Juice

Stopping after 48 hours was a bit hard for me.  My husband is committed to 15 days, so I felt a little disappointed to part ways with him.  I actually had to call my uncle and make sure that I was not missing out on some health benefit by stopping, but he assured me that I had given my body enough of a chance to rest with the two day fast.  I was also already down 7 lbs from before our prep-week.  So, last night, I began my return by eating vegetable broth, brown rice, and a spoonful of salsa, a handful of walnuts, some blackberries, and an emergency granola bar in the middle of the night (post-nightly pet disturbance).  Today I am returning back to the diet we were on to prepare for the fast, in addition to continued juicing, with the goal of integrating many of these healthy choices into my long-term routine.  The jury is still out on whether this 48-hour adventure is going to positively affect my health, but I already feel more energetic than usual, including more energy in the evenings and an easier time getting out of bed in the morning.

If you would like more information about the film we watched, it is available for streaming on Netflix, here is the official site:
http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/

If you are interested in my husband's progress, he is tracking his experience at:
http://xandertrek.blogspot.com/

One last amusing result of juicing, our dog has stolen many chances to clean the cups, (don't worry, I checked to make sure that nothing he consumed was poisonous to dogs):

Me Today: A Happiness Manifesto

Today is the best day of my life. I have that written on my refrigerator and remind myself of it anytime that I start to feel ungrateful or unhappy, (even on the most exciting days, there are still moments when I have to remind myself of this).  It is true though.  As much as days past bring me happiness in their memories and days coming bring me happiness in their anticipation, no day compares to the only day that I have right now, today.  It is amazing how just reminding myself of this while sitting in traffic or doing household chores centers me into a space of gratitude and presence in the moment.  This whole pursuit of happiness thing is not a new arena for me, I've read all kinds of books and taken little gems here and there, but I find that it is the little daily reminders that actually make the biggest difference for me.

Don't get me wrong, I actually consider myself a pretty happy person.  I just find that maximizing my happiness requires ongoing maintenance, reminders, and study.  I am in the middle of reading The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin, which is actually part of what inspired me to start a blog as a space to keep my writing fresh and find happiness in something that I enjoy doing, writing.  I love books like her's because even if our views on happiness and life may not be precisely the same, I always gain little gems from other people's experiences, (which is part of what I love about reading other people's blogs!). 

In the book, she talks about a study where people were asked to rate their happiness on a scale from 1-10.  On a recent road trip, my husband and I talked about where we rated ourselves a year ago and today, and I came to the crazy realization that in just one year, I had brought my happiness from a 5 to a pretty consistent 8-9!  Of course, it doesn't hurt to be on summer vacation, taking a road trip through the beautiful forests of Oregon with my husband and my dog when rating my happiness... But, I think that's where the 8-9 comes in.  At that moment, I was probably at a 9-10, but in the realities of life, my happiness fluctuates and probably averages out at about an 8.5.

The point in sharing my self-perceived happiness is not to gloat or paint an unreal picture of my life.  Having just completed a year-long boot camp of full-time co-teaching and earning my master's degree in my spare hours while dealing with the day-to-day struggles of low-income students, learning to hold my own in a classroom, navigating the realities of securing a job, and balancing the needs of my family and friends, my life has not been without recent challenges.  However, what is so striking about all of this, is not that my life is easier than it was a year ago, but that it is significantly better despite its huge challenges!  Am I happy every moment of everyday?  No.  But overall I'm a happier person and it was within my power to change my own happiness.  That is what I want to share. 

So, how did I find this happiness?  In part, it began with my quest to seek out as many points of view on happiness as I could.  But, more so, it came from the courage to walk away from something secure and outwardly respected to something scary, new, uncertain, and with far less pay, (a point that ironically hung me up the most and in the end has mattered the least!)... I quit my job as an economic analyst at a respected consulting firm to become a teacher in an urban, low-income school.  I left behind a period of time in my life that was characterized by frequent anxiety and pretty deep lows in search of something better.  The biggest part of this leap of faith was actually believing that something better truly existed.

The year spent in this endeavor changed my life.  I rediscovered my voice.  Literally and figuratively.  I had to learn how to be loud, (or loud for me!), and how to speak in groups of people again.  I developed a new sense of self-confidence.  Sitting in my cube as an economic analyst, I spent most of my time isolated, writing away about things that I did not always care about.  Now, I am in front of people all the time and I like it!  This is huge because when I first decided to quit my job and begin my program I spent a night awake on a friend's futon having a panic attack about whether I could handle it all.  But, that is when my mantra became one day at a time, and it worked!  No feat seems impossible when you look at it one day at a time.

Now, here I am, wrapping up my summer vacation, sitting on the floor of my living room, laptop out, cat in front of me, dog cooling himself from the Sacramento heat on the cool tiles of our entry, and husband lounging behind me on our couch.  I really never have been happier.  Yes, I am again nervous about what the school year will bring, (particularly since I will now be on my own instead of co-teaching), but I am also happy.  I am happy that I have a job that makes me excited, happy that I have a sweet little home and family, happy that there are so many people in my life that I love and am grateful for, (including, most likely you if you are reading this!).

Maybe it's the juice fast that my husband has us doing, (a topic for another entry and a possible cause of my ramblings!), but I'm feeling particularly open and grateful today.  If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to share in my spontaneous happiness manifesto.

Introduction

I make no promises to entertain you.  Let it be known, my goal, (as all blogs seem to have a goal), is to give myself a space to share what is on my mind.  I hope to share what is going on in my life as well as things that inspire me.  I don't mind if you have no interest in reading any of it.  No one is forcing you to!

Moreover, this is not a blog with the hidden desire to become a book or some other source of income.  Yes, I like to write and write in my spare time, but this blog is not about creating some sort of coherent marketable package. Instead, it's just an attempt to connect more with the people in my life, (ironic, I know, since it's online), and to become more comfortable with my writing voice that I present to other people.  I'm not a writer by occupation, which means that I often find many reasons not to write in the day.  That is why I like the blog format so much, it keeps my writing alive even when I only have energy to share an anecdote from my day.

I also feel like it's the perfect medium to not spend so much time worrying about whether everything is beautifully interwoven and to instead just write.  In teaching kids to write, (since that is what I do by day, teach), there is a lot of emphasis on free-writing, which is something that I want to do more often.  So here I am, writing, free-writing, without the pressure to be perfect but with the pressure to write frequently.  Perfect!