Revelations

Wow!  There must be something in the air!  This week has been full of some gigantic, life-shifting, earth-shaking revelations for me.  Now that I have you on the edge of your computer chairs, I better find a way to convey these realizations in a way that lives up to my description of them.

1.  Okay, so this first one probably is not going to rattle your world in any way, but I still want to share.  In talking to my principal and teaching coach, it finally hit me that I've been trying to be someone that I'm not in my teaching style.  Be yourself seems like such an obvious piece of life advice, but sometimes it is the obvious advice that is hardest to take.  I spent the second half of my week being more myself in my teaching and it worked!  Not to jinx anything, but I feel like I'm in the midst of finding my own true teaching style, which in turn is helping me to be a better teacher and like my job better.

2.  Now I'm feeling like I built these big revelations up a bit too much, but number two came to me in a dream.  Friday morning I awakened with a renewed sense that we choose to be here, to experience what we experience, and that I wouldn't trade it, even though it can seem really hard at times.

I'll try to sum this dream up into as few words as possible.  I dreamed that I was driving through a series of underpasses with my mom, husband, brother, and grandfather, who passed when I was a teenager.  The car broke down, so we were forced to walk on the shoulder of the freeway with large trucks zooming by and a sense of impending danger.  The road began to narrow and become quite steep, making it hard for all of us to keep going.  I wanted someone to carry my grandfather, but he refused and insisted that he had to do it himself.  Eventually, the road ended at the foot of stairs leading into the most beautiful clouds I had ever seen.  My grandfather told us that heaven can be hard to find but that we can all get there if we try.  He said he was ready to return and asked if we wanted to join him.  I was certain that I was not ready yet, that I still had a lot to do in life, that even if it was hard, I was nowhere near finished.

I awakened from this dream feeling as though it were real.  All day, I felt renewed by the sense that I want to be here and experience what I have chosen.

3.  The last of my revelations came with a lot of self-reflection this weekend.  I was feeling extra emotional and sensitive in my relationships with others and instead of brushing it all off, I allowed myself to feel sad.  In my sadness, I asked myself why I feel how I feel, and the self-reflection that ensued was the most productive I can ever remember.  I felt like for once I really understood where all of my feelings come from.  I also felt compelled to be more direct in communicating with the people in my life that matter to me.  The results of which, so far, have been greater peace with the little things that bother me and what I believe to be the strengthening of my relationships.

SO... This week of revelations has reminded me to:

• Be myself!  Don't try to be someone that I'm not.
• Remember that I choose to be here.
• Allow myself the space to feel because feelings push self-reflection and growth.
• Be more open and direct with the people in my life.
• Take action to stop repeating the same old patterns.

I wish I could find a way to ALWAYS remember the lessons that I learn.  Too often I feel like I have to learn the same lesson over and over and over.  This week just blew me away with all of the self-reflection and lessons that seemed to lie around every corner.  Much of it has not been easy, but I really feel that very little in life that is worthwhile is actually easy.  I really hope that these revelations are lasting and continue to unfold.